他总结了婚姻中建立良好沟通的12条建议

1

When there are problems, each must be willing to admit that he/she is part of the problem. 

当产生问题的时候，夫妻双方都愿意承认自己是问题的一部分。

2

Each person must be willing to change. 

每个人都要愿意去改变。

3

Avoid the use of emotionally charged words. “You don’t ready love me.” “You always do…” “younever do anything right.” “I don’t care.”

避免说情绪过激的话，例如“你根本不爱我。”，“你总是…”，“你就没做对过一件事。”，“我不在乎。”

4

Be responsible for your own emotions, word, actions, and reactions. Don’t blame them on the other person. You got angry, lashed out, became depressed, etc. 

自己对自己的情绪、言语和行为负责。不要把自己的情绪归咎于他人。

5

Refrain from having reruns on old arguments. 

不要翻旧帐。

6

Deal with one problem at a time. Solve one problem and then move on to the next. 

一次解决一个问题。解决完一个问题之后再解决下一个。

7

Deal in the present and not in the past. Hang a “no fishing” sign over the past unless it will help you to solve your present problems. 

处在当下，而不要纠缠过去，除非是谈论过去一件事可以帮助解决当下的问题。

8

Major on the positive instead of majoring on the negative. 

主要看积极的一面而不是消极的一面。

9

Learn to communicate innon-verbal ways. 

学习非言语沟通。

10

Express your thoughts and concerns to each other.  Listen, understand, and respond to the meaning behind what a person is saying. When he says, “You don’t love me.” He may be really saying, “I desperately need some affection.”

相互表达观点和担忧。倾听、理解，并回应对方话语背后的意图。假如他说“你不爱我”，他这句话背后的意图是“我非常需要你的爱。”

11

Practice the golden rule“do to others what you would have them do to you”. 

实践这条准则“你们愿意人怎样待你，你们也要怎样待人。”

12

Do good-do what which will help others; and lend expecting and hoping for nothing in return. 

善待他人，并且不指望回报。